How to Heal From a Codependent Relationship
Things felt fine at the time. In fact, they were pretty amazing! You were in love and felt loved. Your needs were met, and you were meeting someone else’s. Everything was perfect.
But, then, everything changed. Suddenly, everything you thought you knew to be true was gone. Now, You’re left lonely and alone and it feels like things will never be OK again.
So, now what? How are you supposed to move forward? Will you ever love again? how are you supposed to find a person to connect with when you’re not even sure you are whole yourself?
Codependency is a tricky thing.
In a relationship, a codependent person has an “excessive emotional or psychological reliance” on their partner. Because of this, people who are codependent will often experience the earth-shattering pain of heartbreak in a more severe way than others. It’s a loss of a person and a relationship, but also an identity and sense of self.
No more drama. Codependent no more.
Does that sound dramatic to you? Maybe. But, it’s the reality so many of us find ourselves in. So, it’s worth exploring. Let’s talk about how to get through on the other side. Maybe, with a few more tools for dealing with the next relationship. Or, maybe you’ll find that some solo time is exactly what you need to live life as your best self in this season.
Coping With Codependency Takes Work
Codependency is not something to just recover from suddenly without actually putting in the work. That work is going to look different for different people. But, I assure you if you take the time to get to know yourself right now – however painful and difficult it may be - The end result is worth it. You will come out of this a better, more confident, whole person. A person with healthy boundaries, healthy attachment, and, maybe, a light within yourself that no partner could give. Sound amazing? That’s because it is. That’s because you are amazing. Just as you are.
“There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire imperfect and messy life.” — Tara Brach
There's No One-Size-Fits-All #selfcare Solution to Being Codependent
No one blog post, book, or bomb Beyoncé playlist can solve all the problems of the world. But, I can give some tips for you to implement right now that will make this whole process easier. Things that will help with the tendency to be codependent in relationships. What you won’t see on this list is #Selfcare, or, whatever the latest and greatest trend in self-help is right now. These are practices that should be considered just that. Practices. I am not gonna say that every moment will be easy, but it is simple.
Every single day: get up, get your basic needs met, pick one or two things from this list to do, and then go live your amazing life. Unwind after your day, reflect honestly on your progress, and let your head hit the pillow knowing you did your absolute best at this moment. Then, wake up and do it over again. Repeat. Over time, this can become the new norm and you can find the person you must depend on, every single day, is you.
A few tips for breaking through the fog of a breakup:
Journal.
Get it all out. HONESTLY. Your feelings, your emotions, your experiences of the world. They are all valid. Get them out on paper, or even in a locked note on your phone. Just for your eyes. You don’t have to let anyone else know what you’re thinking. You can be totally open and honest with these feelings knowing that they are for you and you alone. How freeing. As a codependent person, it’s totally normal to hide your true feelings. Not that you’re intentionally trying to mask your emotions. But, because it’s more common for people in codependent relationships to act the way they think they are supposed to act. To give in to the “should” instead of the true. So much so, that you might not even realize what YOU think. What YOU want. And what YOU truly need. So, give yourself a private, judgment-free space to get those feelings out. Come back to it and read it later, or not. Either way, they are YOURS. Not meant to please anyone else, not meant to feed anyone else’s needs. Just yours.
Avoid talking to your ex.
Truly. Unless you have kids together, you do not need to keep in contact. Cut it off. I know it sounds severe, but it’s necessary. That means don’t even follow them on social media. Don’t check in on them. Don’t ask a mutual friend or family member about them. No contact means NO contact. In her book Getting Past Your Breakup, Susan J. Elliott writes: “Whether they contact you or you want to contact them, avoid getting in touch with your ex. Giving in to the urge to contact will stall your healing. No Contact is necessary so that your mind can adjust to the new order of things…Contact just puts you back into the old world, and the mind slams on the brakes of grieving.”
Social connections.
Make them. Keep them. Prioritize them. I get it. Feeling down makes me want to curl up and hide from the world sometimes too. Right now, you may feel like the only person you want to talk with is your ex. (refer to #2 here, please) But, even if all you want to do is retreat, find a way to connect. Yes, I know I'm writing this mid-COVID. I realize that we all have an excuse to stay inside and hide. BUT, physical distancing doesn't mean you have to stay socially isolated. In fact, right now, you need to stay connected more than ever. Reach out to that friend you haven't talked to in a while. Return that text. Participate in the Zoom hangout you were invited to. This is the time to cultivate meaningful connections. Not connections that you are totally dependent upon for your identity and happiness. But, healthy contact with people who love you for who you are. Right now, in this moment. You deserve that. And, so much more.
Codependency Treatment Can Help You Cope and Move Forward
Of course, there are a million other things you could do. and, I would love to talk with you more about how to move forward with your amazing life in therapy. Codependency treatment can be done via online therapy in Florida. We can process and make a plan. Then, you can keep living your best life, in the most amazing way. What's holding you back?
Begin Co-Dependency Recovery in Florida
If you are looking for a therapist who specializes in helping women, look no further. I am here to support you in your mental health journey. I want to help you feel peaceful and confident in your life. To begin codependency treatment via online therapy in Florida, follow these three steps:
Contact Enid to schedule your free 20-minute consultation on a HIPAA-compliant video platform.
Let’s meet so you can get to know me as your therapist!
Begin online therapy in Florida and find peace from the things that are bothering you!
